Small talk

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Eris
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Small talk

Postby Eris » Fri Apr 10, 2015 5:38 pm

My doctor says I'm supposed to practice making small talk with people. But I don't know how to begin. is this good?
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Solaias
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Re: Small talk

Postby Solaias » Fri Apr 10, 2015 6:08 pm

It's a start. :) The most important thing is to just talk. Doesn't matter about what as long as it is something you find interesting.

I spent 15 years as a live in carer for a disabled woman. The job was 24/7. I didn't get a day off, I didn't get holidays, I had no social life. I finished that job about 3 1/2 years ago and at that time it had been so long since I had spoken to people beyond the expected formalities (Politeness to staff while shopping etc.), I had lost all ability to do so.

Even now I am still reclusive and not a gregarious person, but over time I have started to interact with people more again. Mostly here on these forums and in mumble when we have our social meetups. Having a small consistent group of people that have a common interest is helpful as it is easy to become overwhelmed if too many strangers are thrust upon you.

You mentioned in the past that you are careful about what you say because you sometimes take jokes and things too far. Well frankly that shouldn't really matter. Warn people you sometimes do that, and if they get offended when it happens, then they were not really your friend anyway.

I'm thick skinned and don't get offended easily, so if you want someone safe to chat to privately then I am nearly always available because I don't go out much. ;) It could be in PM's, voice over mumble, or even voice or text in SL if you're more comfortable in a familiar place. Or we can chat here so others can chime in. Whatever you are most comfortable with Eris.
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Pathagarus
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Re: Small talk

Postby Pathagarus » Fri Apr 10, 2015 6:26 pm

The weather here has been dismal (light rain for 3-4 days) and will get some thunder boomers in the next hour; so not much better today.
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Solaias
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Re: Small talk

Postby Solaias » Fri Apr 10, 2015 6:27 pm

It's been sunny here the last couple of days. Had some thick fog this morning, but it had burnt off by about 9am.
Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash.
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Eris
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Re: Small talk

Postby Eris » Fri Apr 10, 2015 6:38 pm

Overcast and not quite raining but sometimes drizzling here. Of course, it's Texas, so it's still warm and humid, too, meaning it's just generally unpleasant.
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Solaias
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Re: Small talk

Postby Solaias » Fri Apr 10, 2015 7:13 pm

I imagine that rain in Texas is quite rare?
Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash.
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Eris
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Re: Small talk

Postby Eris » Fri Apr 10, 2015 7:15 pm

Solaias wrote:I imagine that rain in Texas is quite rare?


Not at all. You may be thinking of west Texas. That's where the desert regions are. Central Texas is very pleasant, and East Texas is mostly forests and swamps. Here in Houston we are on the border of the swampy region.

In fact, it has started raining for real, now.
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Solaias
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Re: Small talk

Postby Solaias » Fri Apr 10, 2015 7:58 pm

Eris wrote:You may be thinking of west Texas. That's where the desert regions are.

That's correct. Whenever I think of Texas I tend to think of the desert areas. Too many westerns on Sunday TV as I kid I suppose. :D

Desert areas, or the more grassy areas for cow farms as an after thought maybe. Never would have thought of Texas as having swampy areas. That would be more Florida in my head, and Louisiana, Kentucky etc.
Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash.
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Eris
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Re: Small talk

Postby Eris » Fri Apr 10, 2015 8:33 pm

Solaias wrote:It's a start. :) The most important thing is to just talk. Doesn't matter about what as long as it is something you find interesting.

I spent 15 years as a live in carer for a disabled woman. The job was 24/7. I didn't get a day off, I didn't get holidays, I had no social life. I finished that job about 3 1/2 years ago and at that time it had been so long since I had spoken to people beyond the expected formalities (Politeness to staff while shopping etc.), I had lost all ability to do so.

Even now I am still reclusive and not a gregarious person, but over time I have started to interact with people more again. Mostly here on these forums and in mumble when we have our social meetups. Having a small consistent group of people that have a common interest is helpful as it is easy to become overwhelmed if too many strangers are thrust upon you.

You mentioned in the past that you are careful about what you say because you sometimes take jokes and things too far. Well frankly that shouldn't really matter. Warn people you sometimes do that, and if they get offended when it happens, then they were not really your friend anyway.

I'm thick skinned and don't get offended easily, so if you want someone safe to chat to privately then I am nearly always available because I don't go out much. ;) It could be in PM's, voice over mumble, or even voice or text in SL if you're more comfortable in a familiar place. Or we can chat here so others can chime in. Whatever you are most comfortable with Eris.



Well, you seem to have some actual understanding of where I'm coming from, but alas, if I respond then I'll be making "big talk". Oh well, I'll bite anyway. :D

For my part, I never really developed any social skills. I probably could get diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, but that wasn't really a thing when I was a child, and now I'd have to hunt hard and pay more than $1000 to find someone who is willing to diagnose it in an adult. My psychiatrist and psychologist (I see one of each) both think I should see an expert about this, but since they don't specialize in ASD neither is willing to give the diagnosis themselves, and since there really aren't any treatments offered to Aspergers adults, I'm not really keen on spending a lot of money to get a new diagnosis.

The upshot is I have no social skills, and no friends that I see in real life, and I really don't know how to talk to people, but I keep wanting to learn how to do it anyway. I just don't know how to go about it.

BTW - did I mention that I'm the "Social" director for the Enablers? Kind of an odd position for me to be in. I'm still trying to figure out what to do. I tried to get a racing thing going, but no one else was interested, and then this Sunday group started up. I guess people were more interested in combat and I didn't realize it.
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Solaias
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Re: Small talk

Postby Solaias » Fri Apr 10, 2015 9:24 pm

I did think that you being head of the social section of the org was ironic. :D

OK, I just gave myself a crash course on AS because I didn't know what it was. :)

If you do have AS then you must have a mild version of it as I have not noticed you only taking about certain things exclusively. Not even programming which you obviously like. Either that or that particular symptom doesn't affect you as it isn't always present. Is that correct or do you just hide it well?

And would you rather continue this personal conversation in PM? I don't want to make you feel awkward.
Don't you ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash.

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