It has been one week since my last confession. I accuse myself of countless acts obsession, at least seven acts of envy, twelve acts of outspending my commitment to my budget, and one count of 'borrowing', for I have sold your ship to put a downpayment on this new fleet (isn't it wonderful? But I digress). I am sorry for these sins and all the sins of my whole life, especially the 'borrowing' of your ship.
My Cap'n, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you to whom I should remain loyal above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin.
The first step is admitting that there is no problem.
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To atone, you must consume a pint of Shank's paste accompanied by a pint or so of Spider "Ale"
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